Love is as messy and complicated and biological as it’s always been, we’re just doing the intros a little bit differently. Helen Fisher: People think that modern technology is somehow changing love. The basic brain system for romantic love evolved millions of years ago. The right background, the right educational level, some of the right interests.
It’s a matter of making a match, and then letting the humans take it from there, going along the path that we always have.
Fisher says that we should think of popular relationship sites not as dating websites, but as introduction websites.
Perhaps because the digital world allows us to know people so quickly, we find ourselves in an age of increased real-world paranoia. Once you go out with the person and meet them wherever you’re going to meet them the ancient human brain clicks into action and you court the way we always have.
It’s easier to date online than it is to trust the flirting stranger in a coffee shop. But they are introducing sites and they’re algorithms are very useful.
The way most of our parents or grandparents met would probably creep younger generations out – it might all be “a little too intense.” Algorithms in online dating allow people to filter out their deal breakers, farewell the frogs, and get on with the falling in love part. I mean, you know, most of us have this love map of what we’re looking for and you’ve got to pair up somebody.
While previous generations may grumble that the technology isn’t natural, or that it stops genuine meetings between couples, there is no denying that the algorithms have great value in helping people find the partner that's right for them. We try to size up the person the way the brain has always been sizing people up. In fact, you know, I work with Match.com, the Internet dating site and I’m their chief scientific advisor. You have to offer dates of the right age, the right proximity whether they’re five miles away or 50 miles away.
Love, love, love -- all the wretched cant of it, masking egotism, lust, masochism, fantasy under a mythology of sentimental postures, a welter of self-induced miseries and joys, blinding and masking the essential personalities in the frozen gestures of courtship, in the kissing and the dating and the desire, the compliments and the quarrels which vivify its barrenness.
Dating is not a great way to "really get to know someone." Why?
A profile all about you might come across as self-absorbed.