My next experience with a Christian dating book happened about a year ago.
After some hemming and hawing and at long last some good honest talk about expectations and getting caught up in semantics, we finally came to the conclusion that dating wasn't necessarily the root of all evil, that it could be done in a God-honoring way — and, in fact, that we were pretty much doing that already.
If you were a conservative Christian in the 1990s and early 2000s, chances are you owned a copy of the bestselling “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” by Joshua Harris.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards.
I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.
I don't even remember what it was called — something about dating and integrity, I think — but it had a bright green cover so we referred to it as "The Green Book."Our motives were good — and I think the motives of the author of The Green Book were, too. After telling us to view, treat, and honor people of the opposite sex as brothers and sisters in Christ (a paradigm we could buy), The Green Book laid out a plan in which you don't really date, but find a best friend of the opposite sex by hanging out in groups. — one day the guy of this best-friend relationship asks the woman to be his bride and they live happily ever after (that is, after the guy picks the girl up off the floor because she's broadsided by his proposal! According to the book, one-on-one relationships are a no-no, as is any kind of physical contact. )Well, as you can imagine, my then-boyfriend and I already had a one-on-one relationship.
Maybe some hand holding — but only after you're engaged. And we'd not only held hands before betrothal, we'd actually kissed. So what had started as a quest to honor God in our dating relationship, led only to an overwhelming sense of confusion and guilt (for things we weren't quite sure why we should feel guilty).For information on the authorship of “The Room” please click here. In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.” I stood up, and He led me out of the room. They are both graduates of Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Virginia.There were no distinguishing features save for the mysterious array of black filing cabinets. “The book had a larger impact that as an adult, I’m only now coming to grips with — damaging expectations of myself, men, and sexuality — beliefs that have cost me love, friendship, and given me a life of shame.” In the Twitter conversation July 18, facilitators asked questions (“What key messages or rules did IKDG teach you about dating, courting, marriage, and sex? ” “What resources have helped you untangle the teachings of IKDG?My first experience with a Christian dating book was less than positive.A guy I met at a church-sponsored swing dance had read it — and had "kissed dating goodbye." After that dance, "Dale" and I started hanging out together more and more — attending concerts, taking ballroom dancing classes, renting movies, and going to church together — sometimes in groups but often just the two of us.