Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
I am continuing my quest to represent a group that is much underrepresented in the media. It is obvious that the book celebrates and/or protects the young. EIGHT SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY MATURE MOTHER Rule #1—Hurry. From a statistical standpoint mom’s dating years are running out.
In the off chance that you haven’t read the book I will summarize the eight rules. Be civilized and walk up to the front door and ring the bell. The kind of dancing where couples actually touch each other and move their bodies and limbs in time to the music. She sleeps very soundly and you would still be responsible for getting her home. What I’m saying is that surely you don’t want to try to explain to concerned bystanders why you are carrying what appears to be a dead body out of the restaurant. I’m sure my mother would be quite interested in dating the right man.
Rule # 7-- Don’t waste time waiting for my daughter to get ready. Rule #--8 Do not take my daughter anyplace where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. I am only interested in what is right and proper for our older citizens.
Is that because youre stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid? Why do you think I came up with the eight simple rules?
" As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room. My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
I still have quite a few years to go before I have to post the 8 rules in my home, but I still got a few laughs reading this thinking about my own teenage years.
I don't know who to give the credit to but if you are out there, you know who you are.
LOST CHAPTER: Read the excerpt "That big Ten Commandments monument has been removed from the courthouse in Alabama.
It's been replaced, I believe, with eight simple rules for dating my daughter." "The book 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter is hysterically funny and universally entertaining.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.